As a whole, I don’t mind remakes. But, you have to admit that some things are ~sacred~. A good example of this is Ghostbusters and it’s reboot. The reboot was not as bad as people made it out to be, but because Ghostbusters, even with its subpar (compared to modern day) special effects, is universally loved. Don’t even get me started on the remake of the theme song...and that’s coming from someone that has been thirsting over Pete Wentz for almost thirteen years. Some things just cannot be improved on. You also have to admit, for every remake that is as good as The Fly (1986) there’s at least ten remakes that are as bad as or worse than Martyrs (2015). I only made that analogy so I could post vintage Jeff Goldblum 🖤❤️
This is a list of films I feel shouldn’t be remade, because the remake would get lost in translationor sully the good name of the original film.. Kind of like when perfectly good pop songs get a remix and the rapper is rapping about everything but what the song was originally about. I bolded the remakes I want to see the most.
1. The Exorcist
I know this one has a television show, and I can’t speak on if it’s actually good (yet). But, do you remember how bad The Omen’s remake was? I feel like it would be similar to that. While it would be interesting to see how the makeup would look, as a whole the movie would be a mess. I also don’t think it would be very cool to put a child through the things Linda Blair had to go through to give us this movie. The Exorcist was the first horror movie to receive an Oscar nomination for best picture. It has also been deemed “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant” by the Library of Congress. There is so much prestige behind this movie, that we should not even attempt to give us a remake. I think it may not make people appreciate how good it actually is. I mean. The sequels have done enough damage tbh.
What they should remake: Stranger in Our House
True story: my sister is afraid of ants. Why? No idea. She says their faces creep her out. Anyway, in this context, Them is an acronym for terror, horror, excitement and mystery. It’s such a cool movie. The special effects clearly don’t hold up, but I find it charming. I think the “charm” of the movie would be lost with modern day CGI, or not taken seriously if they kept true to the technology of the time. While we’re at it, the remake of The Blob is not good, and this is why. I also kind of feel like a remake of Them! would just be further reminder that we will never have another Leonard Nimoy. While uncredited, it’s one of his first roles.What they should remake: Arachnophobia
- The Others
Remember that garbage nineties remake of Psycho? I feel like if they ever remade The Others, it would be like that. We already know the twist and it’s quite honestly one of the best cinematic twists ever. It would be quite impossible to replicate the OMG feeling, in my opinion. I feel this way about The Sixth Sense too. The best things about these movies is the atmospheric tension you have because you don’t know exactly what’s going on. I also don’t think anyone will be able to replicate what Nicole Kidman did in the movie. She definitely did THAT. I may be a bit biased, because Nicole Kidman is my favorite modern day actress.
What they should remake: La Cara Oculta
- El orphanito
Listen, Guillermo Del Toro is a master of horror and I feel like he doesn’t get enough credit. I heard this beautiful Spanish language film was getting remade for English speakers a few years back. But, it looks like the remake is dead in the water. I used to not believe in a perfect movie, but this is the film that changed my mind. Lighting rarely strikes in the same place twice, and I think El Orphanto’s story is over. No remakes and god forbid, a sequel. Like my favorite fairy tales, it is open and shut. People need to read more and a subtitles won’t kill them. Honorable mention to my list: Pan’s Labyrinth for the exact same reasons.
What they should remake: a Spanish language Peter Pan.
Someone once said, “Jaws did for the ocean, what Psycho did for showers”. I have a lot of feelings about this movie. I think it’s the perfect summer movie. Where I live, casinos have pool parties where they put Jaws on a projector! Jaws was one of the first movies that truly scared me! I’m not exaggerating when I say it truly disturbed by spirit. In retrospect, It’s probably the reason my grandma didn’t let me watch a lot of horror movies as a child.
But, as someone that loves the ocean....I know the damage this movie (and book) have done to sharks. Many conservationists argue that the lasting cultural impact of Jaw’s makes it harder to get people to agree that sharks should be protected. For this, I dislike most shark movies. Besides, they’re are far scarier things in the ocean. Instead of a remake of Jaws, it would be way more interesting to have a movie where a Jacque Cousteau type character goes to the deepest part of the ocean and uncovers super smart humanoid creatures that try to keep him down there to study him. Sharks, especially great whites, tend not to hunt humans. When they hurt a human, it’s hypothesized great white don’t like how we taste. They take a “ test bite” and keep it moving.
What They Should Remake: Cujo
6.The Blair Witch Project
My aunt said she rewatched this movie with my cousins and they weren’t impressed. Maybe it’s a generation gap, because I remember being bored when I saw it the first time. However, I appreciate the movie for what it was. You have to remember, at the time this film was made, there wasn’t really social media...The Internet was barely a thing. For all the average person knew, those kids were actually lost/dead. I think Paranormal Activity is the closest thing we’re going to get to a GOOD remake of The Blair Witch Project. I actually liked the sequel to The Blair Witch Project. My expectations were extremely low. I think when I told my friends I was seeing the movie, I said “I will return with complaints.” I was pleasantly surprised! I liked how seamlessly they added modern technology into the story. Something I felt Rings wasn’t able to do. I think if they want to add something to The Blair Witch Franchise, they should make a period piece about The Blair Witch and/or Rustin Parr
What They Should Remake: Darkness Falls (FIGHT ME)
I live for all the horror movie references in this franchise. That’s a post of another day. And sis, my kids have never seen Scream, and they were SHOOK by someone in a Ghostface costume this most recent Halloween. It’s entered our cultural zeitgeist in a way that I feel will never be replicated. They would have to redo the mask, which would alienate die hard fans. Kind of like with It (2017). I know some people chose not to see the movie just because Pennywise looked different. It was good btw. I truly feel like if we remake Scream, it would be an insult to Wes Craven’s memory. I’m completely opposed to another Scream. How could they make it continue? I think it would do really bad at the box office and would be seen as a parody (of a parody). But a complete reboot is a hard pass. Scream feels like a time capsule, that should never be opened. I also feel like every Scream movie should have Wes Craven involved, this isn’t possible. Rest In Peace Wes Craven, and Rest In Peace Scream.
What They Should Remake: I Know What You Did Last Summer
I will be the first to admit Black people are underrepresented in horror. But, I don’t think we need a remake of Candyman. That was Tony Todd. Remember when they tried to have someone else do Freddy Krueger? It wasn’t THAT bad, but it wasn’t an improvement. No one will be able to replace Tony Todd, or Virginia Madsen for that matter. I don’t think those buildings in Cabrini-Green are there anymore anyway....the IRL horror of gentrification strikes again. I literally hate the idea that C*ndyman (I’ve already said it twice on this post and I DON’T PLAY WITH DEMONS) needed to “shed innocent blood” to get people to believe in him again. I know that’s a petty reason to not want a remake, but whatever. C*ndyman was frightening af and I don’t see how they can expand or improve the story.
What They Should Remake: The Town That Dreaded Sundown
- The Shining
Hear me out, this is not a perfect book to movie adaptation. Kubrick took liberties, I mean... how else was he going to let us know he filmed the moon landing? If you want a better book to movie adaption, watch the miniseries. I love Stephen King, but the movie version is better than the book. I know that’s not a popular opinion. When I think of the book, I think of my friend Jackie. She chose that book for an American Lit. class, and let me tell you, the good sis STRUGGLED. She is a very smart girl, and frankly, I blame the book. If you’re wondering what I picked, I picked The Catcher in the Rye, because of course I did. Anyway, back to The Shining. I don’t think it needs to be remade. It’s fine and wonderful how it is. We have yet to discover a director as cerebral and enigmatic as Stanley Kubrick. Let’s be real, no Kubrick film needs to be remade.
I just found out they’re making a movie version of The Shining’s sequel...Thanks! I hate it!
- Sleepaway Camp
I rewatched this recently, and all I could think was...this....did not.....age.....well. Luckily, we’ve mostly grown as humans and the twist of this will would be rejected by modern society. Sleepaway Camp is well, campy. I feel like it was meant to be a parody-ish Friday the 13th. The twist was only shocking because there were very little clues to it. Sleepaway Camp is only worth viewing if you LOVE horror, because it’s a cult classic. I personally don’t find it scary. I ended up spending most of the movie pitying Angela. I prefer seeing women kick ass lol.
What They Should Remake:The Slumber Party Massecre